The tide over two rivers

Tired, just one word to sum it up.. Its so tiring to travel from one though to another only to discover you’re back at square one. I just wan things to be over so i have to deal with them again… Wish the storm would wash over…

Wouldnt it be cool to travel to a new country, get a new name, change ur hairstyle. Become a new person altogether… Ah if only it were that easy.. Every sane person must have thought about it, the escapism, the feeling where you can be you in a different setting not knowing the outcome of any thing you are ever gonna do.

Life’s funny like that… Theres so many people and just one of you. I wonder if anybody else ever had that out of bady experience. Its like standing in a crowded place and just looking at all the amount of people and have realise hoe minute of a diference you make in the world, like a tiny role you play in huge blockbustor movie.

Its such a wierd feeling but at the same time so intruiging. Anyways like i said.. i wish i could re invent myself, make myself a little more perfect in my eyes.. Mayb things wouldnt be so gllomy most of the time then.. Now wheres that tide?

Stopping by Traffic

 

 

Standing in traffic is the single most mundane thing anybody can ever do. All you do is just stand there watching the transportations go by as you await ur turn on the thus busy roads before you. And when you watch close enough you realise a moment of peace among all mankind. You know the part where u look at the other directions light to make sure it turns red  and then you look at the light where u intend to cross and the light in a blink turns green. In between those moments just as the walking green man appears, theres usually a moment of silence a moment where everything just standstills as if frozen by time, and just as quickly the very next second promises the hustle and bustle that we are all used to.

I live for moments like that.

Moments where you watch everone stop and even if its for a second you know that it was there. At that very moment, nothing was too important, or too depressing or even too loud to take that second away form you. Thats when you know after all the hustle and bustle, even that one second breather was what you had needed just as it appeared….

I wish life was like that, where you can just pause ans relinquish what has happened so far, take in the situation before you make that vital decision…. Or even say words that hurt… I wish everyone could take a breather and for one second just breathe before the light turns red again.

 

Wind after the Hurricane

The unfinished day finally after many storms brought a smile across my face. It was like after a huge hurricane how a small breeze just managed to ease a little of the pain into a wrought up situation. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why things happened as they did. But i sure that they do for a reason. And somehow the reason however small did its deed.

I haven’t felt so pretty in years if i might admit in all embarresment. But after the attention i got yesterday i felt on top of the world. Somehow he knew what to say at the exact moment. And however small the gesture i couldnt help but smile throughout the day.

But like any other day, it came to and end and soon after the feeling wore off. Somehow i wished i could hold on a litlle longer, but i knew any longer would hurt me more. So i let it go.

And now here i am in all the lived up glory trying to remember yesterday as it was, but try as i might all i could feel was the howling of the wind that came right after that hurricane… Guess some things are just not meant to be…..

 

PS: If there ever is a time i could feel love again, mayb i wouldnt take it for granted anymore.. Easier said than done though….

Thats What she Said……

‘ I thought that you were someone who could do me right until you played with my emotions and made me cry.’ Whitney Houston feat Faith Evans excerpt for ‘Heartbreak Hotel’

Today i had my heart broken, not once but thrice.. Ouch u say?

Damn right it hurts. Sometimes i feel like thats the only feeling i can thie on. The only thing that makes me human. It hurts to lose especially when all around u feel like everyone happy and skipping along just fine, but i know better than to believe that. I know everone is a troubled mess whether they wan to admit it or not.

So Mr pilot is getting married and the MRT guy has a girlfriend and a certain someone is happy with his fulfilled life.. Damn u pple why cant u be miserable for once so that i can gloat all over it… Shit You!

Well since i can die run due to tendonitis i have immersed myself in a realm of fantasies and no not the dirty kind, well at least i dun let my mind wander there anymore. Hehe Ohyeah fantasies from reading all the books i havent had time for…. Yeah but boo hoo to that too for all i have been reading are love stories who somehow after super low lifes meet mr right… damn the media…

Why they have a way of getting this shit around is beyond me… But however it is, i dun need anybodyi dun, i have me and im more than happy i get to do anything i wan and want anything tat i see.. thats not a good combination for my wallet though!

Neways work is draining as usual though today i skipped work cause of the damn stomach flu and guess what my senior gt mad at me cause i was supposed to do her a favour. i think her exact words were ‘ i regret asking you for a favour’

Damn that was one person i dint need to piss off….Why i cant get things right at werk is beyond me. mayb i just dun give a damn anymore.. well what else is new huh! i look forward to the day i dun cause trouble… Life’s a bitch someone wise once said…. well turns out the bitch went PMS on me!

 

Listening to : With you by Chris Brown( ok what, i did say i was heart broken didnt i?)

Eating: nothing doctor told me to rest my stomach so all i ad was a powder sachet some pills and all the water my tap could churn out

Thinking of: Happier days in Australia… I hate u life…(sorry jus had to get that out)

The cliff that just made a perfect Sunset

Phew, finally the nightmare of reports are done.. one more last semester before graduation… I just cant wait to get out of this job as soon as possible…. Nothing is worth holding back for…

Suddenly i have such a sudden urge to do so many things, watch movies, have fun, shop, run, exercise, eat in atas places, read, watch tv, play online games,….. Ahhhhh the possibilities are endless.. But at the same time i feel a certain loss, u know like somethings missing from my life.. But heck la i get to slack after work all day now… weeee i can finally sleep in on weekends… weee i can go on holidays… weeeee

Ok fun stuff aside, i cant believe i signed up for a 10km run, i have been having nightmares of the run ever since i said yes all thanks to a good friens…sheesh well since time is my most prized possesion now, i have to start running again… I realised how much i missed the world, i miss looking into the sky and admiring the blues, looking into the clouds and just wishing u could hug it ever so tightly, looking at the colourful birds and just appreciating nature for what it is… i have been so immersed in my books i just forgot the wonderul owrld i live in….. Mmmm u know the bestest feeling in the world is when u go for that early morning run at the park just as the sun sets and the air smells so fresh u just feel the peace and tranquilness.

 

Sometimes i just love t sit down somewhere i can be really alone and just lie down and imagine im atop the most beautiful looking cliff with a great view down below and the sky is just turning a into an orangish pinkish hue just as the sun sets and there i am right at the egde of the cliff lying down and all im paying attention to is my breath… Ahhh if that isnt the most pleasureable dream i dun know what is… Peace comes to those who wait…….

And no better of finding that out especially when stuck in a jam that lasted 3 hours thanks to all singaporeans who decided to come home from malaysia at the same time we did….Thanks for that wonderful time spent with dad and the colourful conversations we shared… There is no one i would rather be stuck with…. Also a special thanks to the backseat ppl who fell asleep halfway through my conversastion. I ddid not realise how mundane a conversation about indiana jones could be….

Listening to :  Teachers screaming at students

Eating : a kind of craker with seaweed wrapped around it, which remids me i shld probably floss after this…

Smell : fragrance of the soap the students are making during the workshop which is making my life into a bout of hell….