Its’ been a while since i last felt this confused, its’ been a while i had been so utterly directionless…
The shower i had this morning seemed like a cleansing, where the once filled heart managed to finally let go. i never thought i dreaded waking up more than today. But the tears that sprawled against my face was more than i can say for an usual uplifting of any kind. It just felt good to let go for a while.
But today all i can do is walk around, and basically feel nothing, i dont dare allow myself to feel scared anymore, to feel the pain or the fear i cant bear to do it. Isnt it an awful feeling to realise you cant be in charge of your own life for once. I know i agreed to this but the feeling that i cant take control is just messing me up inside. I never felt more weak i never felt more lost. I just want somebody to cry to….. Aww man i promised myself i wasnt gonna do this…..
