The One who Shouldn’t be There

The morning is dull yet again, everthing seems like it was but just more pained. I cant seem to get out of bed like i used to, i’ve had dreams of you, and i wake up in the mid mornings figuring them out. It bothers me when i step out and all i can think of is you.

Just yesterday, walking along where we had our first official date was painful. Evertime i told myself to forget, id catch myself getting glimpses of how every simple thing u did bothered me. Like how u made me take that escalator before you, how u opened doors for me and how sometimes without realising you walk fast and slow down waiting for me to catch up..

The fact is that i miss you and even though i cant help it, i realise i must be the worlds biggest dork, cause i still cant see if i feel the way you do. Im still confused and i have a feeling thats just gonna be it. I wan it to stop.

I wan to stop missing you, seeing you, hearing you, thinking about you….Everthing i’d wish it would just stop.

The worst is when i catch my thoughts alone, then you just know some memory is gonna haunt you, and when you try ur best to divert, you become more focused and it strikes you so hard sometimes you wanna scream out loud.

It hurts everwhere….. *Make it stop*

The One With the Other Woman

‘Sorry i’ve been pretty busy at work lately and i missed talking to you.’ Wow… now that surely made my day….

I didn’t exactly know where i should start my converstion with him, i had that primary school girlish feeling all over me, the one where you wanted to giggle after every thing he said.  But i resisted.

‘So hows life?’ he asked

‘Same old same old’… Oh my god really?  why  cant i say something cool just once. Darn it.

‘How about you?’ i asked hoping he would start boosting my ego and talk about how he misses me…

‘Hmmmph wat can i say, im stuck between two girls at the moment.’ He said matter of factly.

‘HUH WHAT?’ trying my best at this very moment to sound interested yet not balsting with fury.

‘I dont exactly know how to explain this, but im in love with 2 girls, one whom i can connect and talk to about almost everyhthing with and the other a sweet inoocent girl who charms me in a way like no other.’

Ok so i did not see that coming at all. As he explained futher it seemed like every other word that came out of his mouth were like sharp daggers just shooting across my phone, aiming straight for my heart.

I knew i lost him years ago, but it didnt sink in till now.

The One Where I Couldnt Be Alone

Cont’d as requested;

The loud ringing grew as i stumbled across the bed in search of the nuisance of an alarm.

“What the……….”  for a moment i couldn’t even begin to tell apart reality from dream. I immediately jolted out of bed and scurried along, knowing that whatever events about to take place would just drag my time futher.

The day went as it normally would. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, until i almost reached home. From the path i was walking i could see ever so clearly the place where i called home. It was dark, not unusual with both of my parents working. Somehow i felt like i just couldnt bear being alone for another night so i called Adam.

Within seconds of ringing, i felt a tinge of regret. ‘Shit, why did i have to call him of all people…’ i mumbled quietly. But as soon i spoke a shy and quiet ‘Hello’ was heard….

It sounded like i had just distubed his peace…’Errr hi, am i bothering you?’ i said in the intent that he could probably say no so that i wouldn’t  feel like a complete loser.

‘No, of course not….hmm i was wondering when you would finally call me.’ he said sheepishly. Ahh the voice i grew to love. How could i be so stupid to let him go.

‘Eh, everything ok?” he asked again for i had been so absorbed into my own thoughts to realise that i had completely forgotten that i was on the line with another human being.

‘Ya, i just wanted to talk thats all’….. Sadly that was the best excuse i could come with.

The One Where I Couldn’t Forget..

I remember like it happened just 2 minutes ago, how we sat on the steps and talked about the end of the road, u sat so silently, listening ever so intently to every word i was saying. Nodding ur head along, as if you completely understood me. The tears flowed down so easily to me, with every word i came up with, through each excuse i gave, u just listened.

I couldnt wrap my mind around the way u were acting, how u could be so calm, how u just gave in cause u didnt have a choice.

‘So, Goodbye then….’ i said as i slowly rose from the steps and turn to face you…

‘Ok, if this is what you want… Goodbye..’ He spoke so calmly i almost had to lean nearer just to make sure i heard that right.

As i walked along the road down form the steps where i just poured my heart out, i stumbled into a middle aged chinese lady with newspaper in hand…

‘Hey, sorry, but did u hear about this?’ she exclaimed, showing me the front page of the news…

‘Oh… yea..isn’t that very sad to hear’  i said, completely absorbed into the story that i obliviously forgot about the person i just left…The One who so patiently looked at me with those kind understanding eyes.

As i walked i realised that my heart grew heavier and very soon all i heard was intently loud ringing..

It was then i realised that it was already 5:30am in the morning and i was already late.